Ok, old mates had his fun. It’s our turn now. A lot of us are in some kind of lockdown or restriction stuck with our loved ones, so you’re gunna face some of these issues.

Firstly, his voice is going to raise three octanes when his work phone rings. You are actually going to be surprised at the volume he can reach without notice.

He will then spend 10 minutes talking shit (loudly) before discussing the reason for the call. Just cut to the chase mate, talk less- do more.

He uses the callers name way too often. “Hi Brad, good thanks Brad, chat soon Brad”. We get it, we get it- networking, rapport, manners.. blah blah. It’s way too friendly for me.

His work is as uninteresting as you originally feared. Don’t make the mistake of asking for clarification once. You will be subjected to an eternity of words that you have literally no interest in. Nod, uh-huh occasionally, and chuck a key word in for effect every now and then. You got this.

He is so much more intelligent then you could have imagined. Listening to him being a total boss all day assures you that he can, in fact, find the dirty clothes hamper.

And when he asks for a baby macaw now he’s home so much more, the answer is NO.